Urges Customers to Remain Calm and Stock Up on Gold Coins
“The Switch 2 preorder window has been temporarily delayed until we collect enough gold coins to pay the tariff boss.”
— Undocumented Chief Financial Officer
Nintendo has officially hit the giant glowing pause button on Switch 2 preorders. The reason? A confounding combo of Trump-era tariffs, inexplicable time travel side effects, and the chaotic interference of Wario, who may or may not now be Nintendo’s chief financial officer.
The company announced the delay in a press release typed entirely in Wingdings, later translated via Ouija board. “Due to increasing import costs and unforeseen anomalies in the space-time continuum,” it read, “the Switch 2 preorder window has been temporarily delayed until we collect enough gold coins to pay the tariff boss.”
Economists agree: the so-called “Tariff Boss Battle” has been one of the hardest levels for Nintendo to clear since the Great Wii U Fiasco of 2012. With rising prices on parts, packaging, and question mark blocks, Nintendo says it must now “grind for resources” before proceeding.
Insiders claim the crisis began after Wario, reportedly put in charge of Nintendo’s tax strategy after winning a poker game in 2023, redirected the company’s treasury into NFTs shaped like garlic. “He said it was a sound investment,” one employee whispered, “but now we’re broke and being haunted by the ghost of William McKinley.”
Indeed, multiple reports confirm the 25th president’s spirit has been sighted in Nintendo HQ, angrily quoting 1890s trade policy and attempting to nerf Luigi in Smash Bros.
Meanwhile, fans have been left adrift in a console-less limbo, wondering what this means for the rumored Switch 2 features, including:
- Backwards compatibility with your childhood
- A built-in mood ring
- And full native support for GameCube controllers you found in your parents’ basement
While no official release date has been given, sources inside the company say the situation is being actively monitored by a team of highly trained Yoshis.
Until then, Nintendo urges customers to remain calm, stock up on gold coins, and prepare for “a very big boss fight in Q4.”
