Now Running (So Far Away) to Prove It
— Marnie Flap / Local Shopkeeper
PORT DRIFTSVILLE – In what can only be described as the most bizarre story of the week (and that’s saying something), local man Henry Trotter claims to have run so far away that he stumbled upon a flock of seagulls singing the 1982 classic “I Ran (So Far Away)” by A Flock of Seagulls. However, his story has been met with skepticism, disbelief, and a significant number of eye rolls.
The incident, which Henry swears happened during a particularly vigorous morning jog, has left him both breathless and frustrated. “They were all squawking, right? But then… it turned into a melody! And it wasn’t just random noise. It was the song!” he exclaimed, waving his arms in a desperate attempt to convey the seriousness of his discovery.
Eyewitnesses, if you can call them that, confirm seeing Henry sprint back into town in a fit of what they described as a “post-run delusion.” “He looked wild, like he’d seen a ghost—or possibly too many caffeine gels,” said local shopkeeper Marnie Flap. “He kept yelling, ‘The seagulls! They’re singing the song! I’m telling you!’ I had to close the shop early just to avoid the commotion.”
Unfortunately for Henry, his tale was met with considerable doubt. “I mean, give him a break, he just ran all night and day,” sighed his wife, Linda Trotter, who coincidentally has auburn hair.
Faced with a complete lack of believers, Henry did what any self-respecting adult would do: he laced up his sneakers, grabbed his phone, and set off again. “I’m going back out there, and this time, I’m recording them,” he declared to a confused group of onlookers, who watched him jog off into the horizon, shouting, “I’m going to prove it! I’m not crazy!”
As of press time, Henry was last seen running along the coastline, phone held aloft, ready to capture what he insists will be the most groundbreaking ornithological discovery since… well, ever. Local authorities have been alerted to his potential return, anticipating either a recorded flock of seagulls humming an ’80s synth-pop hit or an exhausted man with another tale of inexplicable sounds.
“I’ll find them again!” Henry yelled over his shoulder as he disappeared from view. “And when I do, everyone will see! Those seagulls ran so far away, too!”
In a strange twist, sources have reported an uptick in local seagull activity, with several of the birds now congregating ominously near the pier. The town has been advised to keep their smartphones ready, just in case the birds decide to squawk out some deep-cut B-sides.
Only time—and Henry’s camera roll—will tell if this man will finally prove to the world that sometimes, truth really is stranger than a synth solo.
