Easter Bunny Found Face Down in a Ditch

After night of depravity, witnesses speak of things that cannot be unseen.

BOSTON—It was Easter morning, and the sun was rising over the idyllic countryside. Birds chirped merrily, and the sweet scent of spring flowers filled the air. But in one particular ditch, things were not so idyllic.

Lying face down in the mud was the Easter Bunny. His once-fine fur was matted and filthy, and his basket of Easter eggs lay shattered beside him. It was clear that something terrible had happened to the normally cheerful and innocent holiday mascot.

As news of the Easter Bunny’s distressing state spread, witnesses began to come forward with disturbing stories of the night before. Some claimed to have seen him staggering drunkenly through the streets, shouting obscenities and hurling eggs at passing cars. Others reported that he had been involved in a wild party, involving excessive drinking and debauchery.

But perhaps the most shocking reports came from those who claimed to have seen the Easter Bunny engaging in lewd and inappropriate acts with other holiday mascots. Witnesses spoke of things that cannot be unseen, and some claimed to have been traumatized by the sight.

As the news of the Easter Bunny’s disgraceful behavior continued to spread, public outrage grew. Parents were horrified that a beloved childhood symbol could behave in such a depraved manner, and calls for the Easter Bunny’s resignation rang out across the land.

In the end, the Easter Bunny was forced to make a public apology for his actions, and promised to seek help for his addiction to alcohol and other vices. But the damage had already been done, and the once-beloved figure would never be viewed in the same way again.

As for the witnesses who had seen the Easter Bunny’s dark side, they could only try to forget the shocking things they had witnessed on that fateful night, and hope that the Easter Bunny would find the help he needed to overcome his demons.